Last night was the first social situation that required some manuvering. At my meditation group, we had a little going-away party for a longterm member who is moving away, and of course there was a cake.
Now, I must admit that I have a thang about cake. On top of all the normal celebrations associated with it and other emotional attachments we have created around this special dessert, I just plain love the stuff ... and it has a CUTE factor. I can't seem to stop myself from endowing cakes with something just short of personality, any cakes. Cupcakes?! Off the cuteness chart.
This particular cake was chocolate, with raspberry filling. I cleverly avoided even looking at it, but I found the desire to just be a normal American and eat the cake welling up. I was tired after a long day of work, so I decided to just wish my friend well and leave before I could smell the cocoa. I missed a social opportunity, which is sad. I also had to drive past two stores that carry vegan cakes or cake mixes, and let me tell you I wanted to pull in one pretty badly; if everyone else can have cake then I want to too!!!
But I didn't. I am glad that I was so tired that I didn't even bother with the second half of the olives-and-cashew mix, because it would have tainted my "raw" junk food with the association of desire for the emotional bonding and sharing that normal, social people get from eating a cake. I didn't get to have my cake, nor eat it too.