As you may have noticed, I take Sundays off from writing. It's just as well this weekend, which was basically a horrid time altogether.
After stress and more stress, deadlines missed, printer running out of ink and the trip to the store requiring a full day's rearrangement, I really wanted a day off from this raw food. I just wanted to stop in the middle of a hectic, overplanned day and have a real meal -- a muffin at least, or a deli pasta salad. But I didn't, and got too hungry and frustrated from the trainwreck of backed-up chores resulting from one stupid miscalculation.
So although what I wanted was to have that real meal in my favorite restaurant, I stopped at a grocery store I'm not too fond of because it at least has some organic stuff and I thought it'd be one step healthier; but in my overwhelmed state I found myself in the Stupor-Supermarket-Overload. Reader, do you know that state? In trying to get the most taste with the most health benefit that didn't take long to prepare and didn't cost too much, I blew a fuse and couldn't make ANY decisions! I spent 45 minutes wandering from one isle to the other, with employees clearly watching my suspicious behavior ("Code V in the Frozen Food Isle, please, Code V" -- that's shop talk for make-sure-that-vegetarian-doesn't-pocket-any-brussels-sprouts). Okay, I get to eat whatever I want, but knowing what cooked fats and processed grains do to my body, what do I want that I can still live with?!
I'll spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say that I made it out with organic breadsticks and hummus ... and fried tempura birds-nests, which are sliced veggies smashed into cute nests . I was so tired the following day, Sunday, that I literally could hardly open my eyes most of the day. The only time I was functional was during a lovely bike ride, the first cardio exercise I've managed in a week -- and then, I stupidly fell off my bike on the last three feet of a trail. Three feet, mind you! Was my judgement impaired from exhaustion? I hurt both knees fairly badly; isn't this worse than just having the damned cup of coffee I still want so badly?! I certainly continued to slide downhill mentally, as half of the places I tried to post my finally-printed fliers were closed and I was so tired I couldn't cope with the frustration.
So what did I do? Bought the first processed sugar in over a month. I got Hempt frozen mint-chip, relatively low in sugar and no soy, and it was quite lovely. I'm sorry, but there is little by way of uncooked food that competes with this for taste, positive associations, and texture.
But check this out -- instead of a sugar rush, I instantly started nodding off! Yes, the crown in the jewel of an exhausting weekend was to waste my night off falling asleep at 7:00 p.m., trying to listen to a speech by the Dalai Lama. This is horrifying; how can one or two cooked meals have such an impact already? After more than a month without coffee, shouldn't I be getter more clear, not less?!
The truth is, sadly, that before starting the raw project I was this tired a lot more of the time. And after a life of adrenal gland abuse by coffee, sugar, etc., it's time to pay the piper. Consequences DO come faster and harder now, which is why I started this project in the first place. But I am tired of it already, I hate fibery cold hard food that hurts my jaws and leaves me hungry two hours later. I want to scream at the same stuff every week in the produce isle.
It's been less than 20 days.